Learn to understand yourself. Ego states

How often do we wonder at ourselves, not understanding what guided us at the moment of committing an inappropriate act

For example: in the evening in a cheerful company over a glass of cognac, Anton decided to show the breadth of his nature and lent his friend a decent amount. In the afternoon the next day he came to his senses: in two days the loan had to be paid and the exact amount that he had given his friend yesterday was missing. Anton curses himself and wonders: "How could I do this?"

Sergei came home from work and found out that his wife had not handed over his jacket to the dry cleaner. A terrible scandal broke out. Sergei said a lot of rude things to his wife, receiving the same thing in return. They did not speak for three days. When the passions subsided and they made up, they were surprised together that because of such a trifle it almost came to a divorce.

What leads people when they behave in such a way that the next day they feel ashamed of themselves.

In Transactional Analysis, a person is considered 3 different ego states: Parent, Child, Adult. Moreover, one ego-state does not know what the other ego-state is doing. It's like different personalities within us.

Obviously, in the evening Anton was in the state of a carefree Child (it is customary to write ego states with a capital letter). So he gave the money to a friend. The next day, in the ego state of an Adult, he realistically assessed his financial situation and was horrified.

Sergei, scolding his wife, was in the condition of a Parent. This ego state presupposes strictness and control. Therefore he is called the Controlling Parent.

If you learn to distinguish between yourself and others when you are in what ego-state, then in the future you will be able to better understand yourself, stop in time and be aware of your actions.

Remember: when you are in the ego state of a Child or a Parent, you are not aware! YOU are in the script! As we all know, unawareness brings Karma. When you are in the ego state of Parent and Child, you start playing karmic games. I will write about Karma and Karmic games separately.

Watch yourself first. Learn to hear yourself - what you say, how, with what intonation. Remember that it is the intonation that carries the hidden message and invites you to the karmic game. Track yourself and your loved ones, what ego state you are in. This is very important in order to unravel the tangle of karma. Unravel the causal links of your suffering and heartache.

The founder of transactional analysis is Eric Berne. He created his theory in the fifties of the last century. At that time, Freud's psychoanalytic theory was widespread. The language of psychologists was very complex and incomprehensible to ordinary people. And psychotherapy lasted for years. Eric Berne set out to simplify and speed up treatment. Creating his theory, he made it simple and understandable for all people. The main thing in his theory is the concept of ego states.


At the beginning of his work on the creation of transactional analysis, Bern noted that when we observe a person, then he, his voice can change before our eyes. At the same time, all facial expressions, speech patterns, gestures, posture and bodily functions change, which can lead to a flush of blood to the face, a strong heartbeat or rapid breathing. This happens to a person because his ego state changes.

It was this question that worried Berne at the dawn of the development of transactional analysis. His 35-year-old lawyer said, "I'm not really a lawyer. I'm just a little boy." Behind the walls of the psychiatrist's waiting room, he was a really successful lawyer, but in the process of treatment he felt and behaved like a little boy. Sometimes he asked, "Are you talking to a lawyer or a little boy?" Both Berne and his patient were intrigued by the appearance of these two real people or states of being, and they began to speak of them as "adult" and "child". Later, another state clearly manifested itself, which differed from both the "adult" and the "child". This was a "parent" whose behavior reproduced everything that the patient, as a little boy, saw and heard from his parents. Transitions from one state to another can be observed in manners, appearance, words and gestures.

I will give an example from my own practice

A 37-year-old woman who was suffering from insomnia and growing nervousness came to me for help. During the first hour of treatment, it changed several times. Her voice becomes squeaky, she slouches. When I asked why she is like this now, she replied: "I feel like a little girl that no one understands." But when she began to talk about her children, her manners and voice suddenly changed again suddenly. She became critical and conservative: "After all, parents have rights too. Children need to be shown their place." Within one hour, this mother transformed into three different personalities: one was a small child, with a predominance of feelings, the other was an oppressive parent, and the third was a reasonable, logical, adult woman and the mother of three children.

Long-term observations by Eric Berne have confirmed the assumption that these three conditions are common to all people. Each person, as it were, retains that little personality that he was in his three years. His own parents are also present in him. They are represented in the brain by recordings of real experiences of those internal and external events, the most significant of which occurred during the first five years of life. There is a third state, which is different from these two. The first two states are named Parent and Child, and the third is called Adult.

These states are not roles, but psychological realities. Berne points out that Parent, Adult and Child are not abstract concepts, but phenomenological realities.

If you are attentive, you will be able to track these Ego-states in yourself and your loved ones. This is the first step towards a deeper understanding of yourself and those mental processes that occur in people.