Psychology professor Jack Schafer worked as a special agent for the FBI for many years. In many covert operations, he had to turn on the charm on click. Jack says that there is a golden rule that you can use to win over any person. And it sounds like this: "Make the interlocutor like yourself." Read how to do this in this article.
When Jack Schafer begins to teach a course of lectures at a new stream, he casually makes a mistake in the pronunciation of a word and allows students to correct themselves. “I pretend to be embarrassed, thank them for their thoughtfulness and correct the mistake, ” says Jack.
He uses this technique to achieve three goals. First, when students correct a teacher's mistake, it makes them feel more confident. Secondly, they begin to communicate more freely with the mentor. Third, they allow themselves to be wrong.
The same technique can be used to win over any person. Make mistakes, show your imperfection, let people fix you. And they will be disposed towards you.
Compliment in a third person
Sometimes direct compliments sound too intrusive. Many people are not ready to accept them or feel uncomfortable. In such cases, it is better to use a compliment from a third person.
For example, you want to ask the accountant Efrosinya Stepanovna for something and for this you approach her with the following phrase: “Efrosinya Stepanovna, I was talking with the head of the personnel department, and he said that, in his opinion, you are the best employee of our company! ".
It is not necessary, of course, to praise any professional qualities, you can also personal. For example, like this: “Efrosinya Stepanovna, the head of the personnel department said that last February 23 you baked such pancakes! He still remembers how delicious they were. "
Don't forget to sympathize
Of course, people are much more interested in their own person than any other. And this is quite normal.
You will make more friends in two months if you show genuine interest in people than in two years of trying to interest them in you.
People also love sympathetic statements. What is meant by “sympathetic”? Each person is pleased to know that he is being listened to carefully and his emotions are shared with him. Of course, if a person begins to talk about the fact that he had a hard day, you should not fall down and say: "What a horror, oh you poor little paw!" Especially if it's your boss.
A common saying like, “You've had a tough day today. It happens to everyone". Or, for example, it can be summed up like this: “You mean to say that today you are absolutely happy with the way you are doing. It's great".
We must convince the interlocutor that we share his feelings and understand him. At the same time, if you are trying to support a person, you do not need to accurately reproduce his words. The interlocutor may be wary: his brain will perceive the repetition as an anomaly.
As we already said, there is a very thin line between an ordinary compliment and flattery, so it is better to make sure that the interlocutor praises himself. For example, someone tells you this story: "In order to close this project, I worked 60 hours a week." Here you can say: "Yes, you probably need to have an iron will and responsibility to work 60 hours a week." Almost guaranteed - the interlocutor will answer something like “Yes, I had to try to deliver this project on time. I certainly did a great job. You can't say anything about that. "
The ability to make a person praise himself is an aerobatics figure. Practice it, please people. And you will definitely like it.
Please ask for a favor
Famous words of Benjamin Franklin: "The one who once did you good will help you more willingly than the one whom you helped yourself." This phenomenon is known as the Benjamin Franklin Effect. A person who shows kindness to another person grows in his own eyes. That is, if you want to please a person, then it is better not to do him a favor, but ask him for a favor. Of course, you shouldn't overuse requests for help.
As the aforementioned Franklin correctly noted: "Guests, like fish, start to smell bad on the third day." The same goes for people who ask for favors too often!
All of this advice is definitely not a call to hypocrisy. We just want to help some people to please other people. Sometimes - for their own purposes.