24 year old virgin confession

I have a strange feeling about sex, I want it and I am afraid at the same time.

Yes, I'm 24 and I'm a virgin. It hurts to realize. It feels like something is wrong with me, although I know that everything is fine. Most people lose their virginity by age 19. I feel like a failure.

Why am I still a virgin? This question is difficult to answer. As a teenager, I was shy, "quiet". As they got older, the situation worsened. Instead of growing, my self-esteem continued to dive, and is now lower than ever. People find me interesting and attractive, but they don't know my other side and I have to wear a mask of well-being.

I have a strange feeling about sex, I want it and I am afraid at the same time. I would love to lose my virginity with a friend, but I never had one. All I can say is that good looks does not guarantee a hectic sex life or having a partner, and I am living proof of that. The biggest thing in my life was a kiss. I tried to get to know each other on the Internet a couple of times, but this method scares me. And I would not like to admit that I am a virgin, because it is like a stigma.

It seems to my friends that it is fun to change sexual partners often, but I feel very differently. Even my close friends don't know that I've never had sex. In conversations, I shy away from this topic.

I would really like to meet someone who would love me and take my virginity, but less and less believe in such an outcome, so I agree to someone who at least will like me. But sex is still out of reach for me. I don't know what to do to get it. I don't like the idea of ​​casual dating, but as the saying goes, never say never.

It seems to me that with the loss of virginity, a stone will fall off my soul. Maybe it will give me a little confidence. I would like to confide in someone. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll die a virgin.