With such news, my little brother came to visit me. We sat in the kitchen together, ate fried potatoes, as in childhood, with forks straight from the frying pan. Supporting a bunch of crispy slices hanging on a fork with a piece of bread, he, as if casually, suddenly stunned me with the news. Although there shouldn't have been any surprises in this area, in order to avoid further misunderstandings, I asked:
- And on whom, if not a secret?
- As on whom, on Tanya, of course.
I sighed with relief. I knew Tanya well, they had been living with my brother for almost a year, and, according to his stories, they lived well.
- Then congratulations. When?
- Well, we haven’t decided on the date yet, perhaps in the fall. So start sewing the dress, little sister.
- Wait, my dress is the tenth thing here. You better tell me how you live? And why such a rush?
- No, don't worry, not on the fly. I just love her, and she is the best.
- Is it just an ideal? How are Natasha, Olya and Sveta? I was sneering.
- Do not be mischievous, this time everything is serious, brother offended. Well, not ideal, of course, but there are no people without flaws, right?
- Well, the words are not of a boy, but of a husband. Now I am calm for you.
The brother paused, and then added:
- Now, if she still knew how to cook, then it would be close to the ideal.
Only after these words I understood why he had come, but did not rush things, waited until he would tell everything himself.
- You see, sister, I like all men, I love to eat. Especially homemade, and always with meat. And Tanya does not cook, she says that she does not know how, that it is better to go somewhere and eat than to poison herself with inept cooking. Or buy semi-finished products in the store. And just as I think that after marriage I will eat sausages and dumplings, or, at best, sandwiches with tea, I want to howl at the moon. Listen, maybe you can talk to her, explain that you won't be full only with her beautiful eyes. Well, teach you how to cook, huh ?. Yes, here at least the same fried potatoes, you can't do it: peeled it, threw it in a frying pan and that's it, it's ready in twenty minutes.
- Well, if you don’t want to do it, then maybe you’ll cook yourself? And you are full and satisfied, and your wife does not suffer in the kitchen?
- No, it won't, it's not a man's business. I do not want. She is a woman, and she must feed her husband.
- Oh, brother, it's too early for you to get married, too early. You still have to clean and clean your brains. With such approaches, your marriage will go away.
“Okay, I don’t need lectures on gender roles here. My mother-in-law is still reading this to me, the full course. Are you my sister or her? Can you help?
I thought about it. He's a fool, of course. But if he was smarter, he would not have married at 22. But I will not dissuade him, let him make decisions about his life and be responsible for them.
- Listen, brother. I won't talk to her. Because if you, the person she loves, does not listen to, then his sister will not be an authority for him. And I will not teach you how to cook. If she wanted to and asked then with pleasure. You can't teach it by force.
She needs to want it herself, do you understand? And then I can give you advice.
My brother put down his fork and looked at me closely.
- So do this: go to the market tomorrow and buy fish. Only the fish should be riverine, with scales and not gutted. Carp, for example. Bring her home and ask Tanya to cook her for dinner. If he says that he will not and does not know how, ask again and then do not remind me until the evening. When it's time for dinner, ask where is the cooked carp? Do not answer her reminders that she told you that she will not cook, but ask her to wait for you at home, and get dressed and go out yourself. If you had a habit of eating ready-made food or semi-finished products, then she will be waiting for you with pizza or dumplings. But bring a surprise with you.
Make an appointment with a girl in advance to come to visit you and prepare dinner. The girl must be young, beautiful and smile at you. It will be very good if the girl is familiar to Tanya. How you will negotiate with her is up to you to decide. So, you bring her home and tell Tanya that, they say, dear, if you can't cook me dinner, then another will do it. And then hold on. The reaction, of course, will be stormy and protesting, but don't pay attention to it. Bring the girl into the kitchen and wait until dinner is ready. Remember the main thing, do not get involved in litter and showdown, silently rotate your line. Then have dinner and take the girl home. See off, be sure, at least an hour. This is important, because the first half hour of absence can save your life, but the second half hour is necessary for her to think deeply. Well, then take some air in your chest and return home. And until the morning, do not remember or discuss what happened. The next day, bring her a chicken, for example, and ask her to cook it. Well, what will happen next, you will tell after.
After such advice, having stipulated some details, the brother went home with the most decisive intentions and insidious plans. And I began to wait for the results.
A week later, my brother came to visit and began to tell:
- So, as you advised, I bought a carp, asked to cook it, and naturally, for dinner we had only her mocking excuses. I made an appointment with Natasha in advance Do you remember Natasha, my ex? So, I didn't even explain the details to her, I only asked to come to our house and teach Tanya to cook. Natasha was glad to at least show her superiority in something, so she volunteered with joy. So, we come home with Natasha, I help her to undress and say to Tanya in a calm voice: My joy, since you do not know how to cook, then Natasha will do it. You should have seen Tanya's face, she could not even say anything, only swallowed air. And when she saw Natasha putting on her apron in a businesslike manner and opening the refrigerator, she freaked out, slammed the door and ran away. But you know Tanya how jealous she is. Ten minutes later she returned, looked into the kitchen, saw an oil painting: Natasha was cleaning the fish and laughing, and I was sitting on a stool and baiting her with jokes. Tanya hissed something and locked herself in the room. Well, Natasha continues to cook. When aromatic smells began to seep out of the oven, Tanya returned to the kitchen and in a calm voice asked Natasha to go home and she needed to talk to me. And I, in the same calm voice, say that since Natasha was preparing dinner, she will have dinner with us, and you, Tanyusha, can arrange the plates and cut the bread for now. And imagine the waters, I sit, outwardly calm and benevolent. Natasha, satisfied, takes the fish out of the oven and also comments: You have something, Tanyusha, the stove has not been cleaned for a long time. I clean off the soot with lemon juice and vinegar, it helps a lot, I advise you as a friend, and Tanya is already boiling with anger, but silently lays out the forks. We all dined together. I praised the carp, Natasha was beaming with pride and joy, and Tanya, with a squeamish look, pulled out the bones with a fork. Finally, we ate, and I began to pack. Seeing that I was dressing, Tanya threatened that if I now go somewhere, then when I return, she will no longer be. And I pretended to think and suggested: Well, if you leave, the dishes will remain unwashed. Maybe then Natasha will stay and help wash the dishes? Tanya changed her face and hissed that no, he was better. This is how the evening ended. I came in an hour, as you advised. Tanya was already asleep. In the morning, she naturally did not speak to me. I went to the store and brought a chicken. True, he took pity on her a little, and bought her without feathers and already gutted. But in the same calm tone he asked her to cook. And you know what?
- In the evening, it turned out that Tanya knows how to make chicken on a can. So delicious, grated with garlic and crispy. So that's it. We did not remind each other of Natasha's visit, and everything went on as before. Only now I eat tasty and satisfying. Believe it or not, even her headaches are gone. Now, as we go to bed, she is so affectionate and sympathetic. Probably, she also realized that if not her, then another will gladly do it. Thanks for the advice, little sister.
- Yes, please, - I smiled slyly. - There is only one detail, brother, about which I did not tell you. From this moment, when your beloved asks you to drive in a nail or screw in a light bulb, you will definitely have to do this immediately. Because if it is not you who do it, then there will also be those willing. Make sure that it doesn't work out like in that joke when you wonder who sharpens knives in your house ...